i haven't left yet. theres thing i want to do and say but can't.

is it pride?

is it stubborness?

fear?

a mixture of every emotion i could question?

does any one else miss the entries where i wasn't so low? wasn't so bashing things around me, or myself?

i miss the times where i could just think about things, just write them. where i didn't worry about yesterday, last week, 2 weeks ago, or a month ago.

when i was care free.

now all i do is worry.

i worry about money. about friendships...about "developing" friendships, about people i'd like to know better. about where i'll be living in 5 months. about all sorts of things.

i need to unload on someone but everyone else is coming to me to unload. which leaves me with nobody. because i push aside my problems to help them. even when i don't want to. even when i'd rather just go "shut up. i have problems too"

i think i might say hi now.