heres something i've been avoiding, but as i was showering, figured it'd be a great addition to angel's vague yet not vagueness.

on friday i took xenadrine. it was the best feeling in the entire world. i feel like ass for admitting or even taking it...but hot diggity damn. i'm now trying to go about finding some more. though maybe i'll actually take it properly.

the rush i got from it was astounding. my lack of appetite but hightened amount of energy was....just....amazing. its like i'm trying to sell it.

i didn't fully regain my appetite until tonight, and even then i make something to eat and then don't finish it. its kind of neat, because i still feel some energy, though i know its all psychological at this point.

also...invited to watch a hockey game in spruce tonight, but because all my friends are dorks and won't drive me out there, i missed it. so now i'll have to get the details at work tomorrow (shucks for me huh...hockey player at work....angel has a thing for work people as we all know.....) ahem. hi there.

anyways. i also realized i have bruises on my leg. i know where from. but if i say it...it'll sound...bad right?

fuck bad. FUCK BAD DAMMIT!

when S was here, actually, whenever we're around each other, in public or not, we're still very...physical. only usually its like "i'm gonna kick your ass you duck nugget." needless to say, my attempts at ass kicking in the mall friday evening weren't very successful. i think its kind of funny. these are the kind of bruises i don't mind. especially since no emotions are attached to them. i mean no...you know what i mean right?

i have some reassessing to do, and probably a nice long winded strange email to type out, but as i'm lazy, and don't know how to say what i mean to say without coming off like some sort of....well bitch, i'll simply avoid the topic for another night.

i'm super, i tell ya.

and i wonder why i seem to screw things up....i'll tell you why. i'm a bitch!

its great fun though, honestly.

i'm supposed to go to the bar saturday night, i might try and talk someone into going, because he always says "sure i'll come to the bar with you guys" but never does....actually i can think of a few people who say that. jackanapes. damn them.

i have to get up around 7 tomorrow. and apparently i was "holy hotness" today (should i explain? yes. next paragraph....) so it's fun to go around looking even comparably close to how i'd like to think i could look.

see heres how it goes. i was out of the office (oh no! not in the office!!! the scandals!) and nikki came up to me and said "did you dye your hair? i mean seriously...you look like. wow hot. different. GOOD." and then amy commented on it too. it was great. gave me a boost considering how i felt last night....

oooh wait i didn't talk about that.

yeah. um. albeit (is that even a word? i mean i've heard it...and it sounds like its been wordified...maybe i'm just not using it in the right context...) ahem. anyways. aside from the fact i had a fun weekend, i didn't at the same time. because it wasn't *me*. i find myself doing things that i think i normally wouldn't. i don't know if its just because i'm trying to "grow" more...or if its just because i want to....anyways. i'm worried now that things are going to be all wierd. i don't think it was a mistake per se....(ok so it 99% chance was....) but it was definetly not the wisest of decisions i could've made.

hopefully the matter can be resolved without consequences....or at least can be solved with only a little bitterness...or whatever will come out of it. who knows.

anyways.

bed time. must be up soon.

fucking day job. i'd like to tell my managers to take their job and shove it...but i won't.

not yet at least.

oh but wait. did anyone watch that circus act called a hockey game tonight? andrew messaged me to tell me his team won. jackass...only i mean that in the nicest way. especially after he called to check up on me when he found out i wasn't feeling 100%, and then proceeded to tell me he was cheering for minnesota.....why i oughta.....

anyways.

i'm really going to bed now.

it can't be healthy to not sleep and then want to sleep all day when i have to actually work during the day. jackanapes.

all of you.

and me.

so nobody but me then.

music: lifehouse - somewhere in between