hi. how are you? i think i might be drunk. yet again. on a friday night too.

its becoming a pattern for me. i can't afford to drink, yet i do. i'm afraid i'll become like i was last summer, and i really don't want that.

in other news, saw X2 today. it rocked my pants. honestly. i mean if i was wearing pants...i mean. i don't know. here's what i'm saying....my pants came flying off. because it was fucking awesome. want to go see it again. because it was that good. booyah.

also had a drag of hayley's cigarette tonight and almost puked. i'm glad i don't smoke anymore. i'm glad i find it not yummy at all. i felt like a knob afterwards. heh. knob.

my team lost last night...did i mention that? i don't remember.

i work in almost 9 hours. i really don't want to.

i just want to crawl into a hole and not come out for awhile...by then this little broo-ha-ha of life will be over.

i'm feeling like typing, so be prepared folks, this could be a confusing yet long one.

ahhh and perfect typing music has just come on. mwu ha ha, you'll never know!

i find myself "surrounded" by people who for one reason or another capture my attention. i find myself attracted to a number of these people....yet i find myself pulling away too. my thinking is this is some sort of coping mechanism to block out any pain i might receive. yet i'm getting sick of it.

i'd much rather just...live. and not worry about consequences....yet i constantly question....going "should i even bother doing this? because look at what will happen!" case in point: last weekend....me doing things i really REALLY shouldn't have, with someone, who although is great, i don't honestly see myself pursuing (and from what i'm "picking up" i see the feelings as mutual - which is fine.) a relationship. infact, if i had a time machine, i'd go back and NOT do the things that did get didded. not to say i completely regret them....because i don't regret hanging out, or watching movies till late...the hanging out part was fun, i could do it again...but the "other" lets just say time machines would come in handy right about now.

so in my "drunk" state i'm trying to put these words down into an email, "the" email that i've been avoiding for...well awhile...yet i'm still unable to put words down that don't come across incorrectly. because at this point, i don't want to lose this person as a possible friend. and just that. i mean...how many people get to see me in my fully cracked out craziness? and afterwards, how many of them join in? i just wish i could go back to that. to random comments of NO relation to any topic, and such fun things.

however i feel as though perhaps i'm just living a lie, and whats done is done and its done.

i think its time to actually type out this email....or at least say hi....you know, take my finger off the ignore button for at least 30 seconds....although i might need say a pair of plyers as my finger is clamped down....i'm just not sure how to address the issue without it exploding and causing mass destruction throughout...well throughout my conscience.

fucking eh man.

also...why were they playing continuous justin timberlake in moxie's tonight? and even more so "why" why did they play jc chasez too? was it n sync night? why didn't anyone tell me? am i....lost in some sort of space time continium.....like on star trek? oh my now i'm mentioning star trek.

speaking of which, yesterday we played with "phasers" which really means some sort of antique (or nearly antique) labelling machine that resembled a phaser. and then the word "boff" came up, and hysterics ensued.

i also discovered my phone does the "flip" thing like ace ventura does near the dolphin pool "star date 743373.8"

ok. i'm skipping the email again tonight. because i don't find it wise to write a drunken email.

but maybe not. maybe i can just be like "so hey...momento was on the other day at a friends....." (followed by more small talk) "just checking in. and such."

how about no. and i'll SAY i wrote "the" email, and pretend i did until i actually convince myself i did, while other person is either a: glad i never wrote because feelings were more than "mutual" and infact i'll never get to "hang out" again or b: thinking i'm a stuck up bitch and will never want to talk to me again.

either way it appears as though i'm screwed.

such is life.

i've got to change this though, i'm sick of it.

i got nothing now.

it didn't snow today though. thats always exciting. so i ran around (or rather strolled around) in a "boob shirt" while talking nonsense and mentioning how fun such and such a thing looks or how much i would kill to go to godiva and just let loose for 5 minutes (and then how much my stomach would HATE me afterwards.)

emptying of brain complete.

music: artist unknown - the sad walking away music from the incredible hulk

which btw i can't wait to see....and the matrix. yeeegads i'm gonna be busted broke this year. sigh.