please explain to my that why, after how many years? 3 or 4...am i still attracted to S. why i can't resist spending time with him.

aside from the fact i've resisted any urges that i've had recently, its a very hard decision to just spend time with him. it gets harder to say good bye every time he's here, and last week he was here for 2 days.

i dunno.

its dumb of me to be getting like this.

i was talking with juli last night and she point blank said "angel, you need to get a boyfriend, enough of this bouncing around and not settling down." part of me wanted to say to her "hey juls, its not so easy, i mean whenever i think i have an opportunity to further something it ends...just like that." but instead i said "yeah...well what can you do?"

i dunno.

i have a lot of i dunno's lately.

in other news.

is it completely wacky for me to just up and move to say...taiwan. and to teach there. and to completely cut 90% of my ties here?

yeah.

i'm very tempted.

VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY tempted.

but yet again.

i dunno.